Invisible Empire

Update:14.9.16

Having listened to Ben Howard on repeat for a number of years now, I felt confident I KNEW all his songs. But listening to my all time favourite this evening I heard these lyrics for the very first time.

'I saw a friend of mine the other day and she told me that my eyes were gleaming, I said I've been away and oh she knew the depths I was meaning...I'm happy to have you home'

'Keep your head up, keep your heart strong. Keep your mind set, keep your mind on. Keep your head up, keep your heart strong. Keep your mind set in your ways, keep your heart strong.'

'I realised that all I was searching for was me...'

So Mr Howard has summed it up beautifully. 

I thought the candle was gonna go out

The wind was blowing and the door was open

But the candle never went out, never went out

The wave found its way to the shore

I thought it was a ripple and nothing more

But the wave found its way all the way to the shore

Woah, I wanna burn this house

I know I wanna jump into the fire

Oh, oh I’m gonna tear them down

Pinnacles of my invisible empire

I know the gamble never works twice

All the distractions at the table and the weighted dice

But the thrill of it feels so nice, you do it all again

But I look to the chips I lose,

Standing on the platform with my neck in the noose

And I know its not my time, not my time

Woah, I wanna burn this house

I know I wanna jump into the fire

Oh, oh I’m gonna tear them down

The pinnacles of my invisible empire

And if I do, all the things I do

While I tell myself that 

I'm staying true

I'll never stop, you know 

I'll never stop

You know I'll never think about it

Put an end to all this time, that I would spend with it on my mind

I never stopped, 

you know I never stopped

You know I always wondered about it

I wondered about the wonder

Woah oh oh, I wear a rusting crown

I know this dynasty is falling

The crowd shouts for another round

To see the ruin, 

the spectacular, 

diamonds baby

Icebergs, 

the minarets and the 

marketplaces

The signal fires of my 

Invisible Empire

My head is spinning and my eyes are filled with full salty tears.

My flight is being called...for the 2nd time. And so I tell myself, 'I've got this far.' The hard part was getting on the plane from London, breaking the embrace of my dear friend Liz. But I did it.

This flight from Atlanta to Grand Cayman is the final and definitive leg of my flight back to my life in the Cayman Islands. After 20 hours spent within the confines of my hotel suite, there was no other option but for my emotions to break free. No friends to distract my attention, it was just me and my thoughts. I decided to seek comfort in my daily practice, spending more time in the closing asanas, offering a sort of comfort and closure to this Summer.

Last week was crazy. I met a man I'll never forget and as a result came to realisations and was forced to make the decisions I have avoided for more than 5 years.

N flew me to London so I could spend a couple of days with my friends before returning to the island. I landed and the feeling of 'home' hit me instantly. For the 1st time in my life I had someone waiting for me at the airport,  just like that scene from Love Actually, I was special. Ben and I walked to the car park as the fresh drizzle rain kissed my face. I'm English and I'm home, weather n'all. Ben looked after me: always a true gentleman, I had my own bed and a banquet of cheeses, cured meats, olives, prosseco and an ear ready to listen.

After we devoured our feast he suddenly left the room and returned with some tatty scribbles...my scribbles. Nearly a year to the day I had returned to London after travelling the Pyrenees, Barcelona and Avignon. In a similar emotional state to now Ben posed the question "What 5 things do you hope to achieve?" I jotted down the 5 things I felt I needed to move forward in life. Not thinking for a moment that I would see them again.

He kept my scribbles...

Gobsmacked with this I realised that these are still issues I am working on today. But I'm not disappointed that I've not achieved them. In fact I'm quite happy that I have worked so hard and learnt so much along the way.

The next day I visited Miss Wheeler in a quaint flat where the street is lined with rosebushes and white blossom is falling from the trees in anticipation of Autumn - this is a London I love. Writing emails and updating the blogs of her 2 businesses she oozes independence and confidence; a strong yet gentle woman I am proud to call her my friend. Before our catch up I made a dash to Barclays. That's the great thing about living in Cayman, all banks including your own think that you are committing fraud of some sort and so freeze all your accounts until you show additional security. I AM WHO I AM, I AM NOT PRETENDING, HONEST. I'M JUST A SIMPLE TEACHER. Liz and I then had lunch and twittered away for 3 hours wrapped up in blankets in a tiny cafe nestled on Northcott Road - my stomping ground when training as a teacher with SCITT.

The next morning we practiced at The Shala in West Norwood. Such a peaceful space I realised that this is a non-negotiable. I need to be close to a Shala and I need a teacher in my life.

Then came the part of London I do not miss :(

I needed to make it to Kentish Town where I would see two very special friends. 1 hour 30 minutes on the Northern line, Victoria line, Overground, 2x buses and a 20 minutes walk. No way!!! Weekend works were always a pain. Living on a small island and being 30 minutes to everything really is the way to go...point goes to Grand Cayman. Uber it was...then came more traffic!!!! Oh London, why does everyone else also have to love you? I arrived. Seeing Sophie I forget all the frustration of the journey and just hugged her. Glowing with the euphoria of being a new mum she introduced me baby Esme. 4 weeks today she lay in her little bassinet, her hand curling around my finger, holding on tightly while she dreamt. After a bit she started to stir and Sophie put her in my arms. 

Initially I felt scared shitless of dropping this fragile doll, but she just sank into my arms and I began to rock her....ughhhh Esme. Sophie and I chatted catching up on everything from the past year including all my Frenches at LPEBL. I just knew then I needed to be back.

Next stop, my dear friend Joey. God I miss him. I was an anxious mess when I arrived as I was panicking about my flight and the impending cloud of school hanging over me. But after hearing so much I was introduced to the cutest lill lady, Manon. I took a shine to this girl instantly. Classically French with her style, conservative yet thoughtful opinions and that accent that I just adore. She's the girl for Joey.

All of them had moved on, forward towards a positive and exciting stage in their lives. Liz with her 2 businesses. Sophie with the latest addition to her family. And Joey finding the gorgeous Manon. I haven't built much in Cayman, not that I'm proud of anyway. But I've had experiences and these experiences are making me rich. Rich in preparation for what's to come.

A man that knows me like no other said to me in April:

'Emma, have you read 'The Alchemist'? There's your answer.'

He's right. It's time to build and take back my Invisible Empire.

Me gusta

Having travelled to many parts of the world, rightly or wrongly I tend to judge a country by its food - Mexico wins gold, silver and bronze.

I arrived in Mexico City after very little sleep. Ironically I was actually sat in seat 22a on an AirMexico flight, the same seat and airline I had sat when travelling from Cuba to Mexico last week. Several times I paused and looked over the the opposite row...but of course N wasn't there.

After filling out my 2nd Mexican Visa in 7 days I waited for my dear Rocìo.

Rocìo 

Let me introduce Rocìo: Nine months earlier I was in the magical city of Mysore. As I've written in my previous blog, this journey changed my life dramatically and the district of Gokulam will forever be special to me. Tucked away in 9th main, 12th street or was it 7th main, 3rd street!?!?! (I never did work out the street system) is the vegan cafe Dhãtu's. After an exhausting practice Sandra and I decided to have a mini feast. There we met with some other girls including the stunning Rocìo. Instantly I felt a connection with her. Warm hearted and bright eyed her pixie-like giggle made everything seem fun and lighthearted. All of us girls, being hippie spoke of how we love to travel and that one day if not in Mysore we would all meet up again...this is a phrase too often used when friends traveling from different cultures hope to recreate their time together. In all honesty though, other than a FB friend request this rarely happens. Once we return to our mundane lives we forget the free childlike person we really are.

Over the next few weeks Sandra, Rocìo, Natalia, Seme and I hung out...we shared coconuts together, ate dozens of dosas at Mylari Hotel, saw Star Wars at the cinema and spent my best Christmas together. Ashtanga does bring together the most authentic of friendships from all over the world.

3 months later and on the otherside of the world in the Cayman Islands I was becoming bored with my life. At 1am one morning I sat at my laptop and began to book flights for my Summer travels. I knew that following my visit to Cuba I wouldn't be ready to return to the island so I chose to explore Mexico. My immediate thought, Rocìo!!!! I messaged her instantly as I distinctly recall her pride when describing her country. She assured me that with her as my guide I would see the best Mexico has to offer. I wouldn't follow the Lonely Planet tourist track, she would show me everything; those little cafès, restaurants and museums hidden down the side streets that only the locals are lucky enough to know about.

Rocìo shared my excitement and welcomed me to her home. She would show me as much as she could and promised that I would have the best time in her City.

Rocìo picked me up from Aeropuerto International Benito Juárez. I couldn't believe that I was actually seeing her, this beautiful soul that had been a part of such a special time of my life. The journey to her home in Condesa was chokka with traffic but just as well as this gave us plenty of time to catch up on the revelations of our lives since Mysore: 

▪ Her quitting corporate life to follow her dream teaching Ashtanga, the story of her and her soulmate Nuno and their wedding next year.

▪ Me leaving the UK for the Caribbean, continuing my nutrition studies and the many tales of the past 5 week's adventures.

After dumping my very very heavy luggage we went for a typical Mexican breakfast of huevos rancheros at Peltre in Condesa. We then finished off with a chai in memory of our time in India.

The days following have merged into a conglomerate of the most satisfying, taste triggering, salivating food that Mexico has to offer. I made it clear that I ONLY wanted typical Mexican food. This was a fun little game for Rocìo! She knew the best place for everything, from handmade sweets to vegan treats. I ate tamales, gordita, tortas, tortillas, tostadas, chapulines (salted grasshoppers), mole negro, sope, cajeta, churros, dulce de leche and so much more. I cant recall the names of everything but I tried everything right up until my last 20 minutes in the country.

Here are some of the dishes I ate...

I have to say my favourite meal was chiles en nogada with almond sauce and pomegranate; a traditional meal from the ingredients to the visual representation of the colourful flag.

Prior to Mexico I read 'Eating Animals' by Jonathan Saffron Foer. Before and even more so now I am having very mixed feelings about eating meat. I have always favoured vegetables above anything else. Roasted vegetables with Malden salt and Modena balsamic is the dish of choice for me but I have also been partial to a fresh catch. In Mexico though, eating meat felt different. Meat is a part of Mexico's identity; a country that uses their food to show their history and culture. The people are very proud of their country and this shows with the variety, colours, fragrances etc. Food is everywhere here. It's of the best quality and is made with such love and attention.

One of my most memorable days was spent exploring the city centre, visiting the museum of art,  the cathedral and wondering the backstreets of the local markets. Initially unaware, this is where illegal trade takes place; vendors ready at a seconds notice to pack up their trinkets and sprint down the road before the police catch them. These are the very things these people must do in order to survive. For those who are lucky to have a job, 65 pesos is the daily wage. 65 pesos is the cost of a Starbucks venti latte. I was staying in a very nice area and shown only safe places so I hadn't even realised that Mexico is still a 3rd world country. Rocìo actually didn't tell me until the next day that even she was scared taking me down the back streets. She was so fearful that we might be mugged that she turned her engagement ring around with the diamonds and sapphire on the inside. Was it brave or stupid to go wondering??? Who cares, I got to see a part of Mexico City that the tourists wouldn't.

Later that day we went to Dulceria de Celaya where we turned into characters from Willie Wonker with eyes the size of gobstoppers!!! Rocìo's great grandmother used to come here and it's been a tradition past down through the family. The candies were all handmade which made everything seem that extra bit special. We both spent a mini fortune (by Mexican standards), walked to the Cathedral, I laid my North Face jacket on the floor and we proceeded to eat the biggest cake WITH OUR FINGERS!!! It was heaven!!! It wasn't until after we'd devoured the thing and washed our hands with my bottled mineral water that we realised there were forks in the bag all along!!! Oh well :)

Mexico cathedral 

On Wednesday Rocìo helped me book a tour to the Basilica of Guadelupe and Teotihuacan. I slept the whole 2 hour journey there as I think weeks of flying combined with high altitude was beginning to take its toll on my body. I could feel the swollen lymph nodes in my neck, I was constantly breathless and nauseous with exhaustion. Arriving at the ruins I was gobsmacked. As a child and even now when I watch children's cartoons the Aztec's and mesamoic people scare me. But I was there, in this village, with these remains, with the sacrifice pyramid in front of me. I felt several shivers through my body, like someone walking over my grave. I made friends with another solo traveller, Sheriff from Egypt. Being the only other non-Spanish speaker we decided to climb the tallest pyramid together. For someone who considers themselves quite fit, this was bloody knackering, my lungs just weren't working. I felt like a 70 year old granny with a habit of smoking 40 a day. After a couple of stops we made it! Stunning! There is a legend that apparently when you go to the top of the pyramid you receive the sun's energy and you feel a euphoric power. I don't know if this happened but getting the chance to catch my breath and soak up the view did fill me with appreciation. I then happily skipped down to the bottom.

Teotihuacan

So after my love affair with Mexico I was all set with a return flight to Cayman booked for Saturday morning.

Queue curve ball...

I spoke with N on Wednesday and we admitted that we missed each other. I woke up Friday morning with a ticket to Istanbul. So that's where I am now. I've never done this before but it's like my adventure in continuing and who says it has to end.

This morning's view thanks to jet lag 😍

Through my tummy and eyes this city and the culture has stolen my heart. Thank you Mexico.

Life always throws a curve ball

My life has been anything but conventional...

my travelling also seems to reflect that.

It all started the day I left Cuba. Waking up I decided to take a stroll into Havana Veja, eat at my favourite cafe in my favourite square and plan my adventures in Mexico - with a morning Mojhito in hand of course.... 'When in Rome...'

Prior to leaving the casa, I spoke with Elisa (the lady who had made me breakfast and became a champion at charades) to organise my trip to the airport. Sign language and 20 minutes of Pictionary later it was agreed that I would pay 20 cucs and Silvio (the man of the house) would drive me to the airport. IMPORTANT INFORMATION: Pick up time 1pm in time for my 4pm AirMexico flight. So.....refreshed from my brunch and humming Nora Jones, I showered, packed and waited for Silvio downstairs watching 'Once Upon a Time' - my favourite TV show; for those who don't know, I'm a Disney Princess at heart and a forever romantic/lover of a good fairytale - My favourite film of all time is still The Princess Bride :)

Tick Tock,  Tick Tock, Tick Tock...it was 1:15pm. ''Auto?" I said, gesturing the 10 to 2 hands like they drive in the old movies. "Sì sì Ehma...auto parallela..." I interpreted this as 'yes Emma, he's just parking the car....Stop being a crazy anal Brit and sit with a bit of patience.'

Tick Tock, Tick Tock....1:58pm. Someone came to the door but it still wasn't Silvio. Rather anxious by now, I was starting to sweat.... NO NOT AGAIN, I CAN'T MISS MY FLIGHT 3 YEARS RUNNING! I can't recall exactly what I blubbered to Elisa next but I'm pretty sure she thought I was bonkers. I ran into the street asking anyone who walked past 'Est'ce que tu parles anglais? ' Wait no that's French!!!! Why didn't the Wakeman School teach Spanish or more importantly why was I too lazy to learn the most widely spoken language in the world!?!?!?!

I ran outside and found an old man who spoke some broken English. In my panicked state, I tried as calmly as possible to convey my message of urgency and get to the airport. He called over a friend who agreed to take me to the airport for 30 cucs. With only 25 on me I pleaded for him to drive me offering my rings (worthless really- silver I'd picked up at market stalls in the countries I visit.) Sì sì sì, he took me. In normal circumstances I would have appreciated the speed but here and now without a seat belt, interior exposed or even panels on the dashboard, I was literally holding on for dear life - like the rides at Blackpool Pleasure Beach that you once loved until you became old enough to watch the news or search fairground accidents on Google.

Not knowing my terminal, I was in quite a bit of a pickle. The poor gentleman who was a star to the end despite my being a flustered so and so drove me.....but to arrivals  'No, no, salida ' I motioned with a plane take off sign. He shrugged and I began to weep.

Why oh why every year do I attempt at proving I am brave?

A lady gave me a smile and listened through my tears. 'Departures is through this gate past the arrivals at the top of the escalators'...I was gone.

Sprinting through security I set up camp on the floor next to my gate. I still needed to buy my flight to Mexico City where Rocìo would be meeting me. Sprawled on the floor like a child I was surrounded by my tablet, wallet, 2 credit cards, my UK mobile, my Cayman mobile, passport, yoga mat and backpack.

Yes (MINI CELEBRATION) I had booked next week's flight...for May 8th 2017!!!!!!! Ughhhh!

I hadn't been aware of anything other than my stupidity. On the other side of the concourse, N was watching me. God knows what he thought. Even now I know he's too polite to be truthful. As it was he was sat in the opposing isle of the plane. I recall catching his eye briefly as he showed a deaf couple pictures of his family. It was his kindness that I had noticed first.

Landed at Cancun airport, a flight attendant had stuck me in the wrong immigration queue. 15 minutes later I was redirected to the back of the correct one, the long one. N winked and lifted back the barrier sneaking me through to the front. We exchanged pleasantries... 'Hi, how are you? Where do you come from? What are your plans in Cancun?' I explained I was due to get a bus to Playa del Carmen and figured I would sort out accommodation when I arrived. N thought this was rather brave/stupid and so invited me to dinner and I would organise my plans then. He too didn't know where he was staying as it had been arranged for him. He went outside, spoke with an agent and minutes later we were driven to Nizu. Queue: lift up my jaw. 

This place was beautiful. N booked a room for me where I could shower and freshen up then we were driven to the most amazing fish restaurant.

Everything about dinner was perfect.

The following day we met up for breakfast where I also met A, an employee of N's. They spoke a bit about business and then we shared the story of how we met - I doubt A believed us.

N had a few meetings that morning so I tried desperately to reschedule my flight for the correct month and year. N later returned and offered yet another proposition 'How would you feel about coming to New York and hanging out with me and A for a couple of days.....I'll fly you back here to Mexico or wherever you choose, it's your decision.'

I recall watching a very bad Jim Carey film... 'Yes Man.'

"Ok" I answered. And so I was going on an adventure.

We flew to New York, chauffeured in a Maserati, ate at amazing restaurants, I was able to practice at an amazing shala in Upper West Side Manhatten and I even managed to drag the boys along to Cirque du Soleil for the evening. I was treated with such kindness, respect, and acceptance.

Our final day together was lunch at the Hillstone restaurant. The boys were bickering over our next steps. N wanted for us to go to Vegas for the weekend but A was tired and he was coming down with flu. In the end it was agreed that I would head to Miami for a few days and then fly onto Mexico City where I would meet Rocìo.

So, that's what happened. Now in Mexico I'm trying to process the whirlwind of the past weeks.

In my passport I'm Emma Louise, at school I'm Miss Winter, on social media, Winty Winterson but this week I've felt like Vivian Ward.

Always be open to the new, weird and wonderful possibilities life throws at you - curve balls are always the most exciting!